tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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