Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
