you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize