i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
