so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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