the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
