just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
