You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
