It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
