I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
