WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
