can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
