of course. lets lasso hookers.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize