Sry I called you an 8
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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