Umm I'm too high to move.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
