East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
