Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
