We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
