the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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