lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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