just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We talked him into tasing himself.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize