Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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