scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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