Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
