Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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