My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
