A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
