If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
