he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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