Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's always time for handjobs
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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