She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
