you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
