She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
