Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
