At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The adults are the big ones right?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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