Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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