Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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