Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
