I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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