I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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