I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
