Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
