They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
