it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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