would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
