She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
