I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
