Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
