dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
