im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
