Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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