NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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