We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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