ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
