I hate your face
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I didn't shave. On purpose
You can't motorboat a personality
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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