I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
