went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
