I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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