Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the day after is always just damage control
She's like a pop up book from hell.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
