He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
what the fuck happened to the tacos
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
