The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Can Purell be used as lube?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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