Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
