Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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