why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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