she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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