Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
