Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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