it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
