Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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