i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
