u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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