I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
